five

It's been almost three months, and I can honestly say I'm doing a lot better.

I've spoken with Danny a few times.. Tori and Matt tricked me into it. I get it though.. I did the same thing when they broke up. He apologized about what he said, how he said it, and the way that he approached the whole situation but the facts are what they are. I poured myself out to him and he metaphorically spat in my face.

Danny may or may not have felt the way that I did, but I never gave him the chance to tell me. I didn't want to hear it either way. There's a certain level of respect when it comes to being in a relationship with someone.. romantic or not.. that he failed to show me. I've come to terms with that though and I respect myself way too much to be put through that.

I don't want you guys to think that Danny is a monster though. He really isn't. Is he confused, immature and impulsive... absolutely. But he truly is one of the sweetest, caring and loving men I have ever met. Do I still love him? Yea. I think a part of me always will. I don't think it's possible to ever unlove someone.. you'll always have a piece of them with you.

It's been a struggle though. I should have expected it. Danny and Matt look so similar and from behind, they're identical. The first time I went over to Matt and Tori's place, post-breakup, I almost broke into a panic attack thinking Danny was out on the balcony. I froze. I lost all of the air in my lungs. I started to shake. I didn't know what was happening to me. Matt turned around, and I could feel the relief washing through my body. That's when I knew I needed help.

I thought about going to a shrink, but that just wasn't my style. I applaud people who do go though, I just can't sit still long enough without rambling.. I would probably confuse the poor doctor! Caroline (my work bestie) convinced me to go to join her gym. It's women only and they have endless classes available. The class I chose depends on my mood. Kickboxing and Yoga seem to be the two that I teeter between and I have to admit it's been helping a lot.

Sophia has been pushing for me to meet up with some guy she works with.. Mark I think his name is? I don't remember. Anyways.. I think it's way too soon for me to jump into another relationship, but I miss having a man around. There's things that your friends can help you with, but then there's things only a man can do...

Orgasms. I'm talking about Orgasms. (sometimes I forget that this is *somewhat* anonymous and I don't have to hide my sexuality)

Anyways, I know this post was super short but I really wanted to just end the whole Danny saga before getting back into my everyday life. This whole online diary thing is still so new to me, so I'm hoping I can start to really open up more to you guys!

xx
Jenn